Shallow or high standards???

Today i was on the phone with my friend ordering King Taco when this guys starts staring at me (I didn't look his way but I could feel his eyes burning a man size hole in my damn face). He says Hi and said your beautiful Mind you I'm sick and I have on a ashy ass black tee with some over sized jeans (because I'm losing weight) my crusty ass new balances my Fedora with my hair in a bun with my edges all twisted up because I was trying to make them look "less nappy". That took me aback because I look horrible no where near beautiful, yet he looked at me and saw past my crusty ass clothes and snotty nose. So I thank him and he asks who I'm on the phone with...and what does my dumb ass say MY BOYFRIEND knowing good and damn well I don't have a boyfriend. I'm as single as a one dollar bill (ha). The point I'm trying to make is why is it that every time a guy tries to talk to me or shows interest I always hit em with the line "oh I have a boyfriend". Could I be really that shallow or have standards that high??? Since I've been typing I been thinking and that's not the case. I think I'm afraid to get my heart broke, I think too much about what others think, I'm scared to let myself to be happy, Hell, I even feel like I don't deserve to be happy or have some one that loves me :-(

Lately

Lately, I've been thinking about moving out of state to New York, DC, or Atlanta. As bad as I want to move it's one thing holding me back...my grandma! I don't want to move and have to come back home for the unthinkable (her passing away). I know I shouldn't put my life on hold but I need to do what's right for me. What would you do? Do you think I should just move and visit often? Or just stay in California, because all my family is here???? Help!!!!

I want YOU

Why do we ALWAYS want what we can't have?

I just want him....