Shallow or high standards???

Today i was on the phone with my friend ordering King Taco when this guys starts staring at me (I didn't look his way but I could feel his eyes burning a man size hole in my damn face). He says Hi and said your beautiful Mind you I'm sick and I have on a ashy ass black tee with some over sized jeans (because I'm losing weight) my crusty ass new balances my Fedora with my hair in a bun with my edges all twisted up because I was trying to make them look "less nappy". That took me aback because I look horrible no where near beautiful, yet he looked at me and saw past my crusty ass clothes and snotty nose. So I thank him and he asks who I'm on the phone with...and what does my dumb ass say MY BOYFRIEND knowing good and damn well I don't have a boyfriend. I'm as single as a one dollar bill (ha). The point I'm trying to make is why is it that every time a guy tries to talk to me or shows interest I always hit em with the line "oh I have a boyfriend". Could I be really that shallow or have standards that high??? Since I've been typing I been thinking and that's not the case. I think I'm afraid to get my heart broke, I think too much about what others think, I'm scared to let myself to be happy, Hell, I even feel like I don't deserve to be happy or have some one that loves me :-(

Recently a guy that I use to be in love with talk to in college (the one that I could have spent forever with) told me that I was afraid of LOVE No one has ever told me that. When I read that text my heart dropped and I couldn't do anything but admit that it was true. I know I have commitment issues,but being afraid of love? That's the one thing I've always wanted experienced. I know that Anytime a guys starts to show me his feelings I push him away. What happened in my life that mad me not want to be swept off my feet and fall in love?? All I know is this go round (since all of a sudden everybody wants to like Tamika) I'm going to make it a point to let my guard down and fall in love....

Thought of the Day

Let The Past Stay In the Past....

The Fear of Failing

Lately I've been thinking about my life, why certain things are the way they are. I 've come to the conclusion that I have a fear of FAILING. It's not an uncommon fear for people to have, I got it bad. I let myself stay in the same situation for so long that I'm scared to change it. I'm 26 years old and not getting any younger. I need to "Take Chances and Get Messy" as Miss Frizzle from the Magic School Bus would say. I'm scared that if I get a better job I won't be able to do it. I always doubt my intelligence. I'm scared to move out of California because I don't want anything to happen to my grandma while I'm gone. I can't keep putting my life on hold. I purposely put up a wall because I don't want to let people in to break my heart. Enough is Enough, I can't let not wanting to fail get the best of me. Failing is apart of life and If you don't Fail you'll never know the joy of succeeding.

The Pitter Patter of little FEET o_O

I really want to have a baby right now BUT I'm going to wait for a number of reasons.

1. I don't have a HUSBAND (No baby daddies over here)
2. I don't have a career
3. I don't have my own place
4. I'm not done livin up my 20s

I so can't wait to experience everything that comes along with being a mommy! I feel like I would be the BEST mommy in the whole wide world lol. I love love love babies! They re so sweet and innocent. Then they grow up -_- lol. It's kinda sad because I have my children's names picked out and everything. I hope I have/ want 2 boys and 1 girl. I just hope I meet my husband soon, cause time is tick tick ticking AWAY and my 20s are almost OVER!

No Way OUT

As I'm sitting here at work depressed as hell, because it seems like I've dug and a hole and damn near buried myself, I think back and regret a whole shit load of stuff I've done in the past. It's not what you think. The only thing that i regret is taking out these MuthaF*ckin Private student loans from Salle Mae. I'm trying to figure out a way to pay these bad boys off and still be able to live and enjoy my life. I can't come up with anything. I've been looking for better paying jobs, but No call backs No nothing. I don't have experience I just have a damn degree that costed me an arm and a damn leg. I've run out of options...I just don't know what to do. What CAN I do? I feel like there's no way out. I feel like when I do find a great job I'll be working to pay bills and that's it. This shit is ruff yo...I wouldn't advise anyone to take out student loans PLEASE just work and save cause these loans are the death of me...But hey that maybe the only way out :'-(

Food for Thought...You do the Dishes!

I always have random thoughts (Kanye Shrug) especially while sitting at work. Today I started thinking about these Celebs that do these PETA ads. Like are they really for PETA? Cause I know a lot of them still wear Leather handbags and shoes etc. Ummm if I'm not mistaking Leather is animal rawhide and skin and mainly comes from Cattle o_O. Soooo ummm shouldn't they be making a big fuss over them when they wear leather and not just wearing fur??? Idk I love animals don't get me wrong but How are u gonna have them do an ad then they hop in their Beamer, Benz, or Bentley (THAT HAS LEATHER SEATS) with their leather pumps and or sneakers on...I'm confused smh!

Friend or Foe?

A friend and I were having a conversation last night about real friends and fake friends. I decided to blog about the convo/ topic today. So, last night we were talking about people who play both sides of the fence. In your face, they’re your bff times 10 but then around others they talking mad shit about you. I decided to look in the dictionary to see what the real definition of a "Friend" is? Well, Webster defines a friend as 1. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. A person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.
Today in my generation people have a totally different definition of a friend. People use the term "friend" too loosely. They say everybody is a friend to them when in reality they aren’t even friends they’re more like an....associate, aquatint and sometimes not even that….Just a familiar face. Friendship is something that has to earned and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

A friend to me is someone you can trust and depend on. Someone that always there through thick and thin. Hell, even someone that you don't speak to or see every day but when you need them they’re there no matter what. Someone who laughs with you and cries with you. Someone who you can tell your secrets to and trust that others won’t find out about it. I have a couple of friends but they are more like sisters/ brothers to me. I fricken love them and I'd do anything for them. Some I’ve known since middle school and some I’ve just met and gotten super close to over the last couple of months. They don’t have to ever worry about me putting their business out in the streets, because I love them and would never do that to THEM! All I know is that I have a great bunch of friends and I love them dearly!